2009 in a nutshell, because I can.

I'm listening to some music that can be reflected in my past year. 2009 was the year of 'prepare the bird, fly bird'. Early 2009 I was working at Longs, took classes, favorite: black and white photography. I was this crazy earthy Big Island chick. My folks moved in February to South Point, while I stayed on the east side for 3 months. One full month solo in the empty apartment. Two-ish months with my photographer at the time. I listened to a lot of Circa Survive and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Actually a lot of everything. I started getting into heavier and experimental music. A lot of what kids on the mainland would like, (A Day To Remember, warped tour type bands).... and what I like too, my surroundings just forbade me. I was lonely a lot, but created a great world/aura around me. Paradise Park was the ultimate jungle, past yet futuristic environment. I went back and forth between Hilo and South Point numerous times. I kinda shat my pants at the thought of staying down there all summer though. The boredom and confidedness in the rural would have driven me insane, and it did. It was music, art and imagination that set me free out there, and telling myself this wont be forever. I was so glad for the west coast trip. I got closer to what I wanted in my heart. My decision to move was precious. I wasn't going anywhere in Hawaii, but would have faced more loneliness and no school, cause financial aid didn't do me justice. For years, I've wanted to become who I was, without someone hovering over me with judgement and negativity. To have Daniel in my life, I could ask for nothing better. He keeps my youthfulness alive, not that he's that much younger, or not that I'm so old yet. I seem to anyway get along with people a bit younger than me anyway. I was able to find my soul in Hawaii. But just like without the sun, your skin can't convert proteins to vitamin D, there's no soul without music for me. Hawaii has peace. I made my surroundings seem young and hip in the heart, even though the land was ancient, and I was alone and no one wanted me, and there would most likely never be anything there, just the aina. I would have rotted out there sooner or later. I don't care if they say mainland this or that, I love to be a part of this, the now. I love my generation and what it's doing to the world. That's all I want. I don't care for what's going to happen in the future, well, I do, but enjoying now is so much more important. We're going to grow up together. There's just a priceless change that happened when I moved over here. The world opened up to me. Not everything turned out the same way as I anticipated, but on days off, I work towards it. This boy showed so much interest in me. I literally dropped everything for him. If it weren't for him coming onto me so strong, I would have probably just brushed him off, but him showing such strong interest meant something so much, and that I felt like the love I gave, is received and appreciated. I learned about love in different ways. Like embrace the togetherness and that life wont always happen exactly like you anticipate, but the importances will happen. I've visioned a boy like him by my side even before I've had a first boyfriend. He's a keeper for me. I love when he kidnapped me just about every day and took me to Snohomish overnight while his mom wasn't home. We did that pattern until we moved in together. It took only a month. It may seem like we rushed into moving in together, but I love it. It has been half a year, our lease is almost up, and I'm pretty sure we're going to keep sticking together.

Love

Only once have I loved someone as much as I love him. But that was mental love before. Never have I laid eyes or a hand on him.

But this one, I get to do anything to him. I get to pour as much love into him as I want to and enjoy his presence every moment. I get to tell him anything I want to, and we could experience anything we want to. These post-, or in between feelings while he's gone, are unavoidable. I can't focus. We've been together for 7 months in 2 days. I know that's not a lot compared to other life spans of relationships. But it's his first longest relationship so far. I feel like there's always something that can be a new experience for the both of us, that may leave great marks on us forever.

From an outsiders view, they can't even begin to understand how two people feel. They can only judge and assume, and perhaps understand with what they already know by the 'facts' given to them. Sometimes you just can't do anything about it but watch it happen. Whether you like it or not.

Wipe that dust off.

I haven't bothered to write anything of quality in a while. We were instructed to read pages from a book today, so after class, I went and got the assigned book from the school book store. $35 for a thin-looking 200 page book. My was it worth it. It was just a simple book about revision in writing with a great author, but it made me realize how much I miss writing, and re-connecting with myself. In this starting-to-get-busy life, it's easy to bury your very self. So this is the start of me wiping off the dust, and reconnecting with my inner voice, my true self, that gets buried from time to time. The no-regrets true to yourself, self. I miss jotting down things i like. The simple things in life that enrich our souls.

Music, teas, writing, coffee, good food, intelligence, good people and personalities.

I had the song The Great Disappointment by Afi in my head today. It made me think of 6 years ago. It has already been that long? 6 years around this time. I listened to that song and the cd that song is off of. I listened to it a lot. It was just as cold and overcast as it was today. My first spring back on the mainland. Although I love my surroundings, I'm not quite in sync yet. The kind of sync that happens over time. I don't know why i connect to Afi so much. Even though I don't listen to them very often anymore, when I do, they always leave a great mark on my heart and soul. It makes me want to visit their hometown and linger there for a while.

I've always had this thing about looking and dressing different. I love fashion. Different kinds. The kind of taste that would appeal to one person. Me. It's not for attention, it's for feel and comfort. Feeling comfortable! :) As I hope everyone does. I love edgy. Music, looks. I love soul. I hate bland and soul less. My boyfriend doesn't believe in soul, or that he has a soul, but he's not bland. How do you explain that?

I love creepy from time to time. I love 'goth'. The word goth is like throwing chicken at a bunch of vultures. They fight over it and eat it up. People were like that too. They fought over everything about it, what's right and wrong, then it started seeping between the lines of society. Today, everyone is mish mash, just the way I prefer it. One of the many satisfying reasons why I came to Seattle, of all metropolitan regions.

I'm not your stereotypical girl. You can't place a word on me, cause from the time I could make my own choices based on individuality, I was never for just one. I have many ways to exist, and not all of them will be the same every day. Or they might just all. I love Tim Burtons heart. I want to incorporate it in everything I express, even a little bit.

I'm a mix of earthy and dark. Happy and bright. Wierd right?

Writing has been one of the many best things that has happened to me. I could never seem to write enough if I open up my heart, mind and soul.

Alas, this is the beginning of a continuous journey.