The current and the future.

Seems like my way of doing things are learning hands on. I'd rather sift through jobs and have bomb resumes than going to school to work my way up. I'll learn the basics of leading in a retail environment while I get my own business started. I'll talk to awesome entrepreneurs along the way to get me going hopefully. I will probably pursue both at the same time at some point. Days like today are/may be the turning point shifts in goals. I'm just as equally enthusiastic about opening my own store as I am about graphic design or any kind of art. Educating myself on what I want to do in business while getting hands on with the real job sounds like a good and more down to earth, do-able plan for me!

I wanna

I wanna be a:

Tea Shop Owner

Make Up Artist

More Frequent Model

A Really Good Shift Supervisor

Graphic Designer

Artist

I'm a model

Aspiring make up artist

Analogue photography enthusiast

Graphic Designer

Dwindling digital photographer (for now)

I like editing my website and updating my portfolio.

I'm hoping to make it in my dream industry,

while I work a job that satisfies me in other ways.

Can't say I'm not content.

Novemberrr

I want to get back into Dreamweaver! I want to be completely educated on the things I went to school for! Mostly, I want to know how to work all the Adobe Creative Suite programs to the best extent. I'm a digital media enthusiast and I want to keep pursuing it, but my problem is I want to do too much instead of putting all of that energy into one subject. I'm glad Adobe has a campus in Seattle :) But Dreamweaver should start coming in handy cause I really want to move my website shenanigans over to Dreamweaver from iWeb. iWeb is ghetto.

Speaking of ghetto, my nightmares with Walgreens are over soon. Today or tomorrow is my last day. After that, I want to completely avoid everything about Aurora Ave. What a misfortune Walgreens was in my life partially. I'm glad I've gotten this far with keeping the job but aside from that, I didn't grow, I didn't get health insurance, and I made less the whole time than I did at my last job.

I feel pretty comfortable with where I am going.

I'm not complaining as much about not getting enough sleep as someone who's going to school. I get to sleep in til 2 cause the bed doesn't want to let me go, especially if I'm sleeping in it with my love. If you are working for your money, and decide that as your lifestyle, instead of jumping into debt, neck deep, there isn't really anything to worry about. With this step, I will be guaranteed a job, not with a degree, but with experience. I can't complain as much about lack of time in the day. Life is how you make it.

I'm not going to college, I'm too busy learning.

I fucking like it this way.

Admitting the final stage of denial: Letting Go

When you're 22, it's easy to bend yourself out of shape over school, or no school for that matter. Most people around my age have graduated or are in school. I admit that I was academic at some point, for a long time. I've also admitted that Lately, by having a life, it's challenging to even pencil myself in for school anymore. When I was in school, I realized that all of what I'm doing is getting in the way of what I really wanted to do with my life. I'm also usually never satisfied with my current situation. I'll feel like I'm missing out when I'm in school and not in school. But I did admit to myself today that I am taking the right steps in my life to get what I want, and it's okay that I'm not in school. As it has always stood, I'm not like them, and my lifestyle shouldn't reflect theirs. I shouldn't have to feel important cause they do when they get their doctor degrees and teacher jobs. I REALLY NEED TO GET THIS JOB THOUGH! A really good paying job by my side, pff, some people who go to college will end up making just as much, a little more, or less than me when they graduate. And Unlike them, I saved all my money this whole time, while they're in debt all the way up to their neck. I'll get to make a lot of money by being a responsible young lady, holding down a job that's just right for my age to prove a bit more of authority than I have been for 22 years. This will in turn, give me freedom to do the THINGS I LOVE, in my free time.

A blue-collared artist will do it for me in this lifetime.

School of life

I'm in the school of life and these years are as equivalent as yours are. My colleagues may or may not have went to college for what they're pursuing, but they're happy, and they make bank. I also know of people who went so many years to school to realize that afterwards, they're making minimum wage, paying off their loans. I'd rather jump on a decent paying job now, avoid debt now and later, and enjoy what I like to do. In this economy, seriously. All I need is to wake up early for school or a job. In the real world, I get to choose what time to wake up, not them.

xoxo

Creativity

I've felt like dipping my nose into different realms of creativity again. I think the changing of seasons are doing well for me. Being inside more frequently helps me turn my energy over to all things good. I updated my website recently so it is not so complicated and more designeresque. And I need to start doing the bare essentials, but I like more than one thing creative. I like Graphic Design, Photography, Make Up Art, Modeling. I haven't shot many models lately, I'm somewhat insecure about our little space, and I'm not all that secure with my flash skills yet. But I need to throw myself out there again. I stumbled across a vector site where you can download brushes for free. My jaw dropped how easy it is to make awesome graphics lately. I changed around the wordings on my model port, something a bit more realistic as to what I want out of that site. It could be more or less a part of my life. I took photos yesterday afternoon around Edmonds and realized the capabilities of my 50mm 1.8 lens. I'm sure I could capture a water drop falling perfectly. I also posted a casting call on my photography page on model mayhem. More models please. We'll have fun. This is my most favorite time of year where we get to bundle up to stay warm! :) I'm about ready to hand out some business cards.

It's been a while.

So I kind of forgot that I had a blogger account. I actually forgot the username. So I typed in my email address and sure enough, here is it, with some old blogs that I forgot about.

I'm listening to Dubstep tonight and came up with this:

My heart is a blend of island vibes, the edgy Washington music scene. My heart is in the tiny indie night clubs somewhere in a big roaring city in New York or London. It's in that mix drink with a hint of lime somewhere on a beach in Hawaii or Jamaica. It's on the airplane ten thousand miles above ground with Ratatat, Sublime or Islands playing in my headphones aching to get back to the Evergreen state but curious to see how the old home land has changed in the short time I've been gone. It's in the plate of L&L that you just got from that plaza in Kona or Waimea while wearing your slippahs. The hot and humid farmers markets of Hilo. The cold and quiet streets of Edmonds after stepping out of that hot and stylish restaurant serving exotic foods and decorated with amazing wallpaper. My heart lies in the crowds of diverse people passing me by on the streets of downtown Seattle raging with style and having their music scream at me just by looking at them. Street performers with their hats facing up on the ground. When my heart starts to race over freedom. My heart aches with happiness. The buildings and trees are stylish when you walk past the first Nordstrom. My heart lies on a quiet hill with a house on top of it with the classic tree that changes colors, somewhere in the midwest. The splashy coasts of the east during a late summer day, late afternoon that inspired many. And somehow, that all shows in my work. My work is fresh.

2009 in a nutshell, because I can.

I'm listening to some music that can be reflected in my past year. 2009 was the year of 'prepare the bird, fly bird'. Early 2009 I was working at Longs, took classes, favorite: black and white photography. I was this crazy earthy Big Island chick. My folks moved in February to South Point, while I stayed on the east side for 3 months. One full month solo in the empty apartment. Two-ish months with my photographer at the time. I listened to a lot of Circa Survive and Red Hot Chili Peppers. Actually a lot of everything. I started getting into heavier and experimental music. A lot of what kids on the mainland would like, (A Day To Remember, warped tour type bands).... and what I like too, my surroundings just forbade me. I was lonely a lot, but created a great world/aura around me. Paradise Park was the ultimate jungle, past yet futuristic environment. I went back and forth between Hilo and South Point numerous times. I kinda shat my pants at the thought of staying down there all summer though. The boredom and confidedness in the rural would have driven me insane, and it did. It was music, art and imagination that set me free out there, and telling myself this wont be forever. I was so glad for the west coast trip. I got closer to what I wanted in my heart. My decision to move was precious. I wasn't going anywhere in Hawaii, but would have faced more loneliness and no school, cause financial aid didn't do me justice. For years, I've wanted to become who I was, without someone hovering over me with judgement and negativity. To have Daniel in my life, I could ask for nothing better. He keeps my youthfulness alive, not that he's that much younger, or not that I'm so old yet. I seem to anyway get along with people a bit younger than me anyway. I was able to find my soul in Hawaii. But just like without the sun, your skin can't convert proteins to vitamin D, there's no soul without music for me. Hawaii has peace. I made my surroundings seem young and hip in the heart, even though the land was ancient, and I was alone and no one wanted me, and there would most likely never be anything there, just the aina. I would have rotted out there sooner or later. I don't care if they say mainland this or that, I love to be a part of this, the now. I love my generation and what it's doing to the world. That's all I want. I don't care for what's going to happen in the future, well, I do, but enjoying now is so much more important. We're going to grow up together. There's just a priceless change that happened when I moved over here. The world opened up to me. Not everything turned out the same way as I anticipated, but on days off, I work towards it. This boy showed so much interest in me. I literally dropped everything for him. If it weren't for him coming onto me so strong, I would have probably just brushed him off, but him showing such strong interest meant something so much, and that I felt like the love I gave, is received and appreciated. I learned about love in different ways. Like embrace the togetherness and that life wont always happen exactly like you anticipate, but the importances will happen. I've visioned a boy like him by my side even before I've had a first boyfriend. He's a keeper for me. I love when he kidnapped me just about every day and took me to Snohomish overnight while his mom wasn't home. We did that pattern until we moved in together. It took only a month. It may seem like we rushed into moving in together, but I love it. It has been half a year, our lease is almost up, and I'm pretty sure we're going to keep sticking together.

Love

Only once have I loved someone as much as I love him. But that was mental love before. Never have I laid eyes or a hand on him.

But this one, I get to do anything to him. I get to pour as much love into him as I want to and enjoy his presence every moment. I get to tell him anything I want to, and we could experience anything we want to. These post-, or in between feelings while he's gone, are unavoidable. I can't focus. We've been together for 7 months in 2 days. I know that's not a lot compared to other life spans of relationships. But it's his first longest relationship so far. I feel like there's always something that can be a new experience for the both of us, that may leave great marks on us forever.

From an outsiders view, they can't even begin to understand how two people feel. They can only judge and assume, and perhaps understand with what they already know by the 'facts' given to them. Sometimes you just can't do anything about it but watch it happen. Whether you like it or not.

Wipe that dust off.

I haven't bothered to write anything of quality in a while. We were instructed to read pages from a book today, so after class, I went and got the assigned book from the school book store. $35 for a thin-looking 200 page book. My was it worth it. It was just a simple book about revision in writing with a great author, but it made me realize how much I miss writing, and re-connecting with myself. In this starting-to-get-busy life, it's easy to bury your very self. So this is the start of me wiping off the dust, and reconnecting with my inner voice, my true self, that gets buried from time to time. The no-regrets true to yourself, self. I miss jotting down things i like. The simple things in life that enrich our souls.

Music, teas, writing, coffee, good food, intelligence, good people and personalities.

I had the song The Great Disappointment by Afi in my head today. It made me think of 6 years ago. It has already been that long? 6 years around this time. I listened to that song and the cd that song is off of. I listened to it a lot. It was just as cold and overcast as it was today. My first spring back on the mainland. Although I love my surroundings, I'm not quite in sync yet. The kind of sync that happens over time. I don't know why i connect to Afi so much. Even though I don't listen to them very often anymore, when I do, they always leave a great mark on my heart and soul. It makes me want to visit their hometown and linger there for a while.

I've always had this thing about looking and dressing different. I love fashion. Different kinds. The kind of taste that would appeal to one person. Me. It's not for attention, it's for feel and comfort. Feeling comfortable! :) As I hope everyone does. I love edgy. Music, looks. I love soul. I hate bland and soul less. My boyfriend doesn't believe in soul, or that he has a soul, but he's not bland. How do you explain that?

I love creepy from time to time. I love 'goth'. The word goth is like throwing chicken at a bunch of vultures. They fight over it and eat it up. People were like that too. They fought over everything about it, what's right and wrong, then it started seeping between the lines of society. Today, everyone is mish mash, just the way I prefer it. One of the many satisfying reasons why I came to Seattle, of all metropolitan regions.

I'm not your stereotypical girl. You can't place a word on me, cause from the time I could make my own choices based on individuality, I was never for just one. I have many ways to exist, and not all of them will be the same every day. Or they might just all. I love Tim Burtons heart. I want to incorporate it in everything I express, even a little bit.

I'm a mix of earthy and dark. Happy and bright. Wierd right?

Writing has been one of the many best things that has happened to me. I could never seem to write enough if I open up my heart, mind and soul.

Alas, this is the beginning of a continuous journey.