Admitting the final stage of denial: Letting Go

When you're 22, it's easy to bend yourself out of shape over school, or no school for that matter. Most people around my age have graduated or are in school. I admit that I was academic at some point, for a long time. I've also admitted that Lately, by having a life, it's challenging to even pencil myself in for school anymore. When I was in school, I realized that all of what I'm doing is getting in the way of what I really wanted to do with my life. I'm also usually never satisfied with my current situation. I'll feel like I'm missing out when I'm in school and not in school. But I did admit to myself today that I am taking the right steps in my life to get what I want, and it's okay that I'm not in school. As it has always stood, I'm not like them, and my lifestyle shouldn't reflect theirs. I shouldn't have to feel important cause they do when they get their doctor degrees and teacher jobs. I REALLY NEED TO GET THIS JOB THOUGH! A really good paying job by my side, pff, some people who go to college will end up making just as much, a little more, or less than me when they graduate. And Unlike them, I saved all my money this whole time, while they're in debt all the way up to their neck. I'll get to make a lot of money by being a responsible young lady, holding down a job that's just right for my age to prove a bit more of authority than I have been for 22 years. This will in turn, give me freedom to do the THINGS I LOVE, in my free time.

A blue-collared artist will do it for me in this lifetime.

School of life

I'm in the school of life and these years are as equivalent as yours are. My colleagues may or may not have went to college for what they're pursuing, but they're happy, and they make bank. I also know of people who went so many years to school to realize that afterwards, they're making minimum wage, paying off their loans. I'd rather jump on a decent paying job now, avoid debt now and later, and enjoy what I like to do. In this economy, seriously. All I need is to wake up early for school or a job. In the real world, I get to choose what time to wake up, not them.

xoxo

Creativity

I've felt like dipping my nose into different realms of creativity again. I think the changing of seasons are doing well for me. Being inside more frequently helps me turn my energy over to all things good. I updated my website recently so it is not so complicated and more designeresque. And I need to start doing the bare essentials, but I like more than one thing creative. I like Graphic Design, Photography, Make Up Art, Modeling. I haven't shot many models lately, I'm somewhat insecure about our little space, and I'm not all that secure with my flash skills yet. But I need to throw myself out there again. I stumbled across a vector site where you can download brushes for free. My jaw dropped how easy it is to make awesome graphics lately. I changed around the wordings on my model port, something a bit more realistic as to what I want out of that site. It could be more or less a part of my life. I took photos yesterday afternoon around Edmonds and realized the capabilities of my 50mm 1.8 lens. I'm sure I could capture a water drop falling perfectly. I also posted a casting call on my photography page on model mayhem. More models please. We'll have fun. This is my most favorite time of year where we get to bundle up to stay warm! :) I'm about ready to hand out some business cards.

It's been a while.

So I kind of forgot that I had a blogger account. I actually forgot the username. So I typed in my email address and sure enough, here is it, with some old blogs that I forgot about.

I'm listening to Dubstep tonight and came up with this:

My heart is a blend of island vibes, the edgy Washington music scene. My heart is in the tiny indie night clubs somewhere in a big roaring city in New York or London. It's in that mix drink with a hint of lime somewhere on a beach in Hawaii or Jamaica. It's on the airplane ten thousand miles above ground with Ratatat, Sublime or Islands playing in my headphones aching to get back to the Evergreen state but curious to see how the old home land has changed in the short time I've been gone. It's in the plate of L&L that you just got from that plaza in Kona or Waimea while wearing your slippahs. The hot and humid farmers markets of Hilo. The cold and quiet streets of Edmonds after stepping out of that hot and stylish restaurant serving exotic foods and decorated with amazing wallpaper. My heart lies in the crowds of diverse people passing me by on the streets of downtown Seattle raging with style and having their music scream at me just by looking at them. Street performers with their hats facing up on the ground. When my heart starts to race over freedom. My heart aches with happiness. The buildings and trees are stylish when you walk past the first Nordstrom. My heart lies on a quiet hill with a house on top of it with the classic tree that changes colors, somewhere in the midwest. The splashy coasts of the east during a late summer day, late afternoon that inspired many. And somehow, that all shows in my work. My work is fresh.